The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
