Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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