somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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