you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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