I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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