i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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