fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
