she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
