she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize