So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
