well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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