I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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