I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
