YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
