we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
