i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
