i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize