big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just invented taco cereal.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
