My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
