Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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