Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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