Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
