he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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