We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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