I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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