Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
