so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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