you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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