Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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