Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize