Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
