My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
