Someone shit on the floor
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Randomize
