im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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