Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so that wasnt chicken after all
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
