I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize