when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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