I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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