i came on her dog
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize