Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
