Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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