Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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