Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
