So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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