yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
