Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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