I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
