i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
