I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
