So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
