i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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