Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
