woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
