their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
