you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize