Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am one with the molecules
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
