There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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