low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Found your dick twin last night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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