and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
