I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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