I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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