I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
