The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
