i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize