Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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