The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
