im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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