no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
