i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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