Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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