its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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