you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
