Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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