The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
