you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
