Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I still have a little drunk in my system
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
