just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
