Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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