I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
