You made me cry and you don't even care
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
