but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
