Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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