she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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