Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
