I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
