Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
