I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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