the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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