You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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