She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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