its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
