I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
