My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we made out on top of his cat.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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