i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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