using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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