Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
