bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
