I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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