im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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